I Do Not Want To Explain Why I Do Not Do The Rest

It comes up every time and it comes from somebody different each time.

Why do you not use the other one. You know it would be much easier if you did. I could set it up for you in ten minutes.

And you say something. You have four or five things you say, and they are all variations on the same thing, and none of them ends it.

Because the ones you use are either too short, which sounds cross, or too long, which sounds defensive, and the long ones invite a discussion and the discussion goes round the table.

What you want is not an argument won. You do not want to be right about it.

What you want is one sentence that ends the subject, warmly, without a fight, so that everybody can get back to their food.

That is a completely reasonable thing to want, and nobody has ever handed you the sentence, and this piece is going to hand you one.

But first there is a reason the four or five you have do not work, and it is worth knowing, because otherwise the new one will go the same way.

A soft answer turneth away wrath

There is a proverb about the temperature of an answer, and what it claims is quite specific.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1, King James Version)

A soft answer turneth away. Not defuses, not survives. Turns away, which is what happens to something that arrives and then goes off somewhere else.

The claim is that the temperature of the answer decides the direction of the whole thing.

You are permitted a soft answer that turns away wrath, and no plain sentence has ever once been the beginning of a fight. Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turneth away wrath, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes that available at a family table.

Notice the second half, because it is the useful one. Grievous words stir up anger.

Grievous does not mean rude. It means heavy. Words with weight in them, words carrying more than the moment needs.

You have never once started something by disagreeing, and no answer has ever stirred anything up because of what it said rather than what it carried. The Holy Spirit is the one who names weight as the thing that lights a fire, and it is written that the grievous words are the ones that stir rather than the contrary ones.

And notice how short both halves are. The proverb itself is eleven words, and it demonstrates its own point by not going on.

A soft answer is short. That is nearly all of what soft means here.

You were never going to need a long answer, and no proverb about answering has ever once modeled a lengthy one. The Spirit of God is the one who makes the form of a thing part of its instruction, and Scripture keeps the whole matter inside a single line.

Why the ones you have do not work

Now let me be concrete, because this row promises a usable sentence and not a feeling.

Look at the four or five that have been in use. The short ones sound cross because they are short and nothing else. Shortness without warmth reads as a door closing, and somebody at a table will push at a closing door.

The long ones do not work either, but for a different reason. A long answer gives the other person material. Every clause is something that can be replied to, and a table full of people who love you will reply to it.

You are handing somebody material every time you explain, and no long answer has ever once ended a conversation at a table full of people. The Spirit of God is the one who shows a person why a thing has been failing, and Proverbs 15:1 attaches the outcome to the weight rather than to the content.

And here is what a working sentence needs, which nobody has ever set out for you.

It needs to be short, so there is nothing to reply to. Warm, so it does not read as a door. And it must contain no reason, because a reason is the thing a person argues with. Give a reason and it becomes a conversation about whether the reason is good. Give no reason and there is nowhere for anybody to go.

That is a gap in the teaching and it is not a fault in the woman.

You have been giving reasons to people who then had something to discuss, and no reason offered at a table has ever once been left unexamined by anybody. The written word ties the result to the softness rather than to the argument, and the Holy Spirit is the one who takes the reason out of a sentence that never needed one.

The sentence

Now the small thing, and it is the sentence itself.

Here it is. I am happy with what I have got, but thank you.

Nine words. Say it warmly, with a smile in it, and then reach for something on the table.

You are able to say nine warm words and then pass the potatoes, and no short warm sentence has ever once been read as a rebuff by anybody. Proverbs 15:1 makes the softness the thing that turns it away, and the Holy Spirit is the one present when a woman ends a subject without a fight.

Notice what is in it and what is not. There is no reason. Nothing about why, nothing about not needing it, nothing about having tried it before. Nothing that anybody can take hold of.

There is a thank you, which is real and which is what makes it warm rather than closed. And there is the word happy, which is the one doing the most work, because it answers the actual concern underneath the question, which is that somebody thinks you are managing with less than you should.

You are answering the concern rather than the question, and nine words with a thank you in them have never once been an unkindness at anybody's table. The Spirit of God is the one who finds the sentence that ends a thing warmly, and it is written that the soft answer turns the wrath away rather than meeting it.