I Thought I Had To Understand All Of It First

There are two things you actually need, and you have not used either of them.

Not because they are difficult. You have been shown both, more than once, by people who were patient about it.

You have not used them because you have been waiting to feel ready.

And you have been waiting four years.

Here is the shape of it, said plainly. Somewhere in your mind there is a state you are waiting to arrive at. A feeling of having understood enough. A sense that the ground is solid. And once that arrives, you will begin.

You have never described this to anybody, and if you had, somebody would have asked you a question that has never been asked, which is this.

What would that feeling actually feel like, and how would you know it had arrived?

And there is no answer, because the feeling is not a real thing. It is a shape in the mind, and it is what a person builds when they are waiting for permission and do not know who to ask for it.

Who hath despised the day of small things

There is a question about beginnings, and it is asked in a tone that expects an answer.

For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hand of Zerubbabel with those seven. (Zechariah 4:10, King James Version)

Who hath despised the day of small things. It is asked about a foundation that looked like nothing, laid by people who were embarrassed by it.

And the answer implied is that God does not, and that the ones who did were wrong.

You are held by somebody who does not despise the day of small things, and no beginning has ever once been too small to be the day it started. Zechariah 4:10 says who hath despised the day of small things, and the Holy Spirit is the one who honors a beginning that a person is embarrassed by.

Notice the word day. The day of small things. Not the era, not the period. A day.

It is described as a particular occasion. There is a day on which a small thing happens, and that day is named and remembered, and the whole passage is written to defend it.

You have a day available rather than a state to arrive at, and no beginning in Scripture has ever once been described as a condition somebody worked their way into. The Holy Spirit is the one who marks a particular day rather than a general readiness, and it is written that the small things had a day of their own.

And notice what the people in the passage were doing. Weeping, actually. Some of them wept when the foundation was laid because it was so much smaller than what they remembered.

The verse is written to people who were disappointed by their own beginning.

You were never going to be the first person disappointed by a small start, and no beginning has ever once been despised by God for being smaller than expected. The Spirit of God is the one who defends a beginning against the people who laid it, and Scripture puts the question in exactly where the discouragement was.

What you have been waiting for

Now let me be concrete, because a general reassurance will not end a four year wait.

Ask what would have to happen for the feeling to arrive.

Understanding, presumably. But understanding of what, exactly? The two things? Both have been shown twice already, and either one could be done badly this afternoon.

Then it is not understanding. It is the feeling of understanding, which is a different thing entirely and arrives, when it arrives at all, only after somebody has done a thing several times. Which means the feeling comes after the doing, and not before.

You have been waiting for something that only ever arrives afterward, and no sense of readiness has ever once come before the thing it was supposed to authorize. The Spirit of God is the one who puts an order back the right way round, and Zechariah 4:10 defends the day rather than the readiness.

And here is the second half, which is the practical fact.

Everybody does the thing badly first. Every single person, including the ones who now do it without looking. There is no version of any human being who felt ready and then began well.

You have never once been shown anybody's first six attempts, and no account of what a person can do now has ever included how badly they began. Zechariah 4:10 defends a beginning that the people who laid it were ashamed of, and the Holy Spirit is the one who shows a woman what everybody's first afternoon actually looked like.

People describe what they can do now, and so it looks from outside as though somebody arrived competent.

That is a gap in the teaching and it is not a gap in you.

You have been waiting for a stage that nobody on earth has ever once passed through, and no person has ever begun a thing well before they had done it badly. The written word puts a day at the front of it rather than a feeling, and the Holy Spirit is the one who tells a woman what everybody's first attempt actually looked like.

Do it badly today

Now the small thing, and it is the opposite of preparation.

I am not going to suggest getting somebody to show it again. Twice is enough, a third showing would be a fourth year, and the showing was never the missing piece.

Go and use one of the two things today, without feeling ready, and let it be as awkward as it is.

You are able to do one thing badly on purpose, and no first attempt has ever once been required to go well for anybody. Zechariah 4:10 defends the small beginning against the people who were embarrassed by it, and the Holy Spirit is the one present when a woman starts before she feels like it.

Pick the easier of the two. Not the more useful one. The easier one, because the point today is the starting and not the outcome.

And expect it to be awkward. Plan for awkward. If it takes four minutes and goes wrong twice, that is a normal first attempt and not a sign of anything.

And do not wait for a good moment. There is no good moment, and waiting for one is the same waiting in a different coat.

You are beginning on an ordinary afternoon without permission from a feeling, and no awkward first attempt has ever once been the wrong way to start something. The Spirit of God is the one who honors a beginning while it is still going badly, and it is written that the small things had a day rather than a condition attached to them.