I Say Sorry Three Times Before I Ask

Sorry. Sorry, I know you are busy. Sorry, this is probably really obvious.

Three, before the question, every time.

And you have counted them at least once, because that is the sort of thing a person does after they have started to notice, and three is about right, and sometimes it is four.

Here is what I want to establish first, and then we can get to the sentence.

None of the three is an apology.

An apology is what a person says when they have done something. You have not done anything. Nobody in the history of the world has done wrong by asking somebody a question about a thing they did not know.

So they are not apologies. They are something else wearing an apology's coat, and the something else is a request for permission.

That is what all three of them are actually doing. Each one is asking, in a different way, is it all right that I am about to ask you this.

And nobody has ever said no. In all these years, not once has anybody said, actually, no.

Let us therefore come boldly

There is a verse about how to approach, and the word chosen for the manner is not the one anybody would expect.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16, King James Version)

Boldly. That is the instruction, and it is about approaching a throne.

Not carefully. Not apologetically. Not after establishing that this is a reasonable time to come. Boldly, which means with the plain confidence of somebody who is expected.

You are invited to come boldly, and no approach anywhere in that verse has ever once required a preamble to make it acceptable. Hebrews 4:16 says let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes that word usable by somebody who has been saying sorry three times.

Notice the word therefore, because it points backward and it is doing all the work. The verses before describe somebody who understands exactly what it is to be weak and struggling.

So the boldness is not confidence in yourself. It is confidence in the welcome, which is a completely different thing and much easier to get hold of.

You have been offered confidence in a welcome rather than in yourself, and no boldness in that verse has ever once been a claim about the person approaching. The Holy Spirit is the one who puts the confidence in the right place, and it is written that the therefore rests on somebody who knows what weakness is like from the inside.

And notice the last phrase. Grace to help in time of need.

In time of need. The arriving is expected to happen when somebody actually needs something, which is exactly the moment a person feels least entitled to arrive.

You were never going to be arriving at the wrong moment, and no time of need has ever once been the wrong time to come. The Spirit of God is the one who names the moment of need as the right moment, and Scripture puts it at the end of the verse as the reason for the whole thing.

The sentence, and nothing in front of it

Now let me be concrete, because this row of the site promises something exact and usable rather than a feeling.

Here is the sentence. Can you show me how to do this?

Seven words. That is the whole thing.

Not, sorry to bother you. Not, I know this is obvious. Not, my son usually does this. Seven words, in a normal voice, at a normal volume.

You are able to say seven plain words, and one question asked without a preamble has never once been read as rudeness by anybody who loves you. The Spirit of God is the one who puts a usable sentence in a person's hand, and Hebrews 4:16 puts the word boldly where a person would have written something smaller.

And here is why the preamble has to go rather than be improved.

Each of the three does something to the person hearing it. Sorry makes them give reassurance. The line about being busy makes them prove they are not. The line about it being obvious makes them either agree, which is unkind, or disagree, which is work.

So the three apologies give the other person three jobs before they can even start on the actual question.

Nobody ever told you that, and it is a gap in the teaching rather than a fault in a person's manners.

You have been handing somebody three jobs before the question arrives, and no apology in front has ever once made a request easier for the person receiving it. The written word says come boldly and gives no instructions about softening anything, and the Holy Spirit is the one who explains what a preamble does at the other end.

Say the seven words

Now the small thing, and it is the sentence, used exactly.

I am not going to suggest a shorter version of the preamble. A shorter preamble is still a preamble, and the preamble is the entire difficulty.

Ask one question this week with no apology in front of it, and use the sentence exactly.

You are able to use one prepared sentence exactly as it stands, and seven words have never once cost anybody their standing in a room. Hebrews 4:16 puts boldly into an instruction about approaching, and the Holy Spirit is the one present when somebody asks with nothing in front of it for the first time.

Use it word for word. Can you show me how to do this?

Word for word matters, because a prepared sentence is available under pressure and an improvised one is not. In the moment, the three apologies will be faster than anything you invent.

And notice the word show. Not do. Show me how, which asks for the better kind of help, and which keeps the thing in your hands while it happens.

Then stop talking. That is the second half. Say the seven words and close your mouth and let them answer.

You are asking to be shown rather than rescued, and seven words said plainly have never once obliged anybody to reassure the person who said them. The Spirit of God is the one who hands somebody a sentence that works when they are not feeling brave, and it is written that the coming boldly belongs to the time of need.